Feeling generous, don't have much to do, procrastinating schoolwork, whatever. Under the cut is all the music I have on my computer, alphabetical by artist. Complete albums are listed with title. Genres... vary. Metal, classic rock, folk, pop, etc. Expect the unexpected. Let me know what songs/albums you want and I'll upload. :3 Some are mp3, some m4a.

( Tharrr be the list )

I'm off to Graspop Metal Meeting.
Back on Monday.
omgyayI'mseeingDragonforcelive. x3 <3!

So apparently, someone, somewhere thinks it's a good idea to let me loose on hundreds of poor, defenseless, unsuspecting kids.

In other words?
I graduated.

It's been six long, occasionally gruelling years (though sometimes also total fun), I fucked up a lot, sometimes I came out looking smart, but. I finally, finally did it.

Was going to have ice cream tonight, but no longer allowed.

In other words: brother was sexist (but that's okay because it was funny as well as condescending and offensive) and I took offense. This makes me a BAD child. Yes.

Dear Sarah, don't go out with my brother. He's scum.

Feels like all I do lately is bitch about my family. Probably because it is.
Mum's back on the "what Lisa can and cannot eat" track. Which is always fun.


Went out with some people yesterday. Had fun.
Came home and was asked by one of them, on msn, if I was okay since I'd seemed so cranky today. Told her I was fine, said I had no idea about crankiness.
Was then told I should try to be nicer next time because she felt attacked by me.
Said fine, okay. She annoys me sometimes but I didn't recall really attacking her but fine! Didn't feel like an argument. Just agreed to be nicer.

Now 24 hours later, I still don't know what the fuck I did wrong.
Should ask, sort of hesitant. Don't actually want a fight, just an idea of what the fuck I did. Which should give me an image of whether she's just being her attentionwhore self or if it really was me. Since it could be.

9.45 AM
Mum: Your room is disgusting
Me: Uh. What.
Mum: I'm telling the maid not to clean it. You'll have to do it yourself.
Me: Why? I always make sure all my crap is out of the way so she can do her job!
Mum: It's embarrassing

9.55 AM
Mum: Work on your job applications! Now! Not later! Now!!
Me: Yeah, okay, fine. Can I wake up properly first? And get over my allergies?
Mum: *eyeroll*
Me: *eyeroll back*
Mum: *smacks* Bitch.


What. The. Fuck.

Seriously, I can't do shit in the first hour of waking up. I'm fucking sorry, but even with my medication, my eyes are crusty and itchy, my nose is stuffed up and I sneeze so hard I think things might come loose.
And what the hell is up with the constant pressure for job applications? I don't even know if I'm graduating now after the shit with my portfolio. Mum's reasoning is that I should apply anyway since I might still have passed and all the schools will be closed soon.
And here I thought I had made it reasonably clear that I do not actually want to teach*? It's like a backup option. My resume is already in a lot of other places, I want something else. But let's ignore that.

Also, embarrassing room. Yes, a very full desk (paperwork, books and books and books), my tiny ikea table with my TARDIS model, a schoolbag, a laptop bag and three bags of knitting. All of it is in bags. All of it is in the corners of my room.
What my dear mother seems to be forgetting is that I DON'T HAVE SPACE TO PUT ALL THIS CRAP IN. My bookcase? Full. My three drawers? Full. My closet? Full!
Mind, if she'd take HER crap out of MY closet, I'd have space. As it is? Nope.
And you know what's even BETTER? Come September, mum will be SHARING my room. For two weeks! Because they're redecorating hers with all new custom made furniture. I don't want to complain about not getting anything ever (in the end, all I had to do to get a brand new and very comfortable desk chair was ask. For three weeks. Over and over. While using a kitchen chair instead) but. Brand new living room, expensive new lights in hallway, stairwell and living room, completely custom bedroom furniture. But I ask to give me, oh, twenty euro to pay for some food at graspop and I get a no. In the mean time, I have the same crap closet I had twenty three years ago. My stuff is overflowing (and I mean it, I'm stacking on the floor, on the edges of things, anywhere!) and her only answer is "throw some stuff out".

Oh and all my knitting is crap and my baking is bad. Not in that I'm no good at it, but in that they are worthless, bad for your body (that'd be the cakes) and a waste of time. All it does is clutter up her precious house.
You know what? If she thinks her house is so precious, maybe she should spend some time in it. Other than the maid, I pretty much do all the housework. I make dinner. I hang up laundry. Whatever. (Though if you ask her, she'll say she makes dinner. After all, she did put those tomatoes in the oven last night. And she boiled some potatoes. You know, after I peeled the potatoes, prepared the ground beef, emptied tomatoes and stuffed them.)

Lately, I've really been wishing she was the one in Poland and Dad was living here. I can have a civil conversation with him. Even when there's a problem, we can have a civil conversation. Not everything has to be a fight. I'm aware it's my fault too that mum and I clash so horribly, but it'd be very easily solved if she'd just stop treating me like a thirteen year old brat. Of course she'll say she does that because that's how I act, but. I don't need that. I deserve a bit of respect and dignity. And maybe once in a while some thanks for all the shit I do. And honestly, at this point, I could do with more than words. She's got me doing fucking YARDWORK in ALLERGY SEASON.
But whatever, doesn't matter. Apparently, simply because she is my mother, I have to respect her and accept all the stuff she does and the way she treats me. It seems that parenting is the one field where "she means well" is still good enough.
When I do something wrong, but I mean well? I still get my ass kicked.


In conclusion! My mother and I are dysfunctional! I need to move out but I can't afford to! I probably need to get laid!



*Teaching in itself is fine, but the paperwork has driven more than one person to the brink** and I can't stand the current education reforms they're doing here.
** I mean that. Highest burnout rates are in teaching. The first two years of a teaching job are fucked up. And why would I want to do that WHEN I'M ONLY GOING TO LIVE HERE FOR ANOTHER YEAR? Speaking of which, Dad has been going at me about what I will do when I'm in Wales and I want to get a pension plan and health insurance and what will I do if I ever want to move back to Belgium? Parents don't seem to get that this would be a rather permanent thing. Heck, they're treating it like this is something I came up with last month. I have been talking about this for ages now. It's our fourth anni-fucking-versary.




IN TOTALLY OTHER NEWS
I DO NOT GIVE A SHIT ABOUT GOTHIC MUSIC ANYMORE. THIS IS WEIRD.
Graspop has Nightwish and Epica and I'm. Not even gonna go see them. This is weird to me! Oh well. Whatever. DRAGONFORCE! <333333
Only thing that kinda bothers me is the group we're going with. Kinda consists of three people around my age. Well. Me. A good friend from high school. And my ex. And then a whole bunch of, oh yes, nineteen year olds. This should be fun.
Yes, I'm aware my girlfriend is that age too, but you have to know. She's cool. They're. Not.

01. Anyone who looks at this entry has to post this meme and their current wallpaper at their LiveJournal.
02. Explain in five sentences why you're using that wallpaper!
03. Don't change your wallpaper before doing this! The point is to see what you had on!

( screenshot! )

So, life.
Uh. I wrote a portfolio and had to go defend it. The defending went really well, but apparently my portfolio was crap since I FAILED.
Might not graduate, now. I have to wait and see. So fucking pissed off.

Growing steadily more frustrated with my mother's behaviour.
Everything I do is bad and I never do enough. The amount of housework she has me doing is steadily climbing and it all has to be now and immediate and perfect no matter what I'm doing. When even my brother agrees with me that it's getting somewhat ridiculous and neither of us can remember the last time she really lifted a finger... Yeah.
Thank god they're taking off to spend the weekend in Toulouse to go to a friend's daughter's confirmation. Don't have to deal with this shit again till Monday evening.

Someone remind me why I was so homesick?

Yesterday, I went to Mr. Minit to drop off some shoes to be fixed. I cam home feeling rather ticked off because the guy behind the counter didn't speak Dutch.
Belgium might be a trilingual country, but this is Flanders and therefore he should speak Dutch. This makes sense.
But okay, I believe this is largely a political problem and not solved by bitching at poor people who are just trying to run their dinky little franchises.

Today, I went to pick up the shoes and it was worse.
Oh not the shopkeeper. He did a great job with the shoes and was nice. It was the other customers.
Some old guy came in after me and said he'd gotten the wrong shoes. The shopkeeper gave him a confused look. The guy repeated himself. The shopkeeper asked if the guy spoke French.
The guy refused. Said he didn't want to speak French. Note that. It's not that he couldn't. He didn't want to.
What do you achieve by refusing to communicate? Yes, the shopkeeper should learn Dutch. But does refusing to speak French teach him? Does it help anyone? No, it gets everybody frustrated.
So I stopped packing my bags (a pair of boots, two pairs of shoes and a bag of groceries on a bike is not a laughing matter) and piped up with a quick explanation in French.

Holy. Fucking. Shit. I am never helping anyone again.

The old dude fucking exploded at me. Said I shouldn't be speaking French to this guy, that he should speak Dutch, etc, etc, etc!
I offered that it wouldn't hurt him to just speak French for a couple minutes.
He raged at me some more, insisting that it was none of my business, to which I replied that I live here too and that sort of makes the issue my business, but he just kept repeating himself and so I left. Whatever, I don't deal with fuckheads.

This all isn't so bad. I can deal real easy with old bastards being pissed at me. What gets me fucking angry though is that he kept shoving his hand at me. Palm out. Right in my goddamned face. Over and over again. It's rude and condescending. I told him so. But he just called me something that basically translates to whippersnapper (yeah I know lol) and kept shoving his hand at me. I gave him the finger and left.


Hate people. So much. Argh.



Also. 30 euro (on top of taxes) so they'll pick up our organic trash? Which they only do every other week? When the weather is forcing us to mow the lawn weekly? wtf.


I need to knit more. I have so many projects going but one is getting a bit urgent (about a week left to knit and block it). :/ But I should also work on my portfolio for school. Sigh.

Going to see Star Trek with Sheila tomorrow. Whoo.

I LIVE.

And I am home again. So happy about that.

Finland sucked. Sucked. SUCKED.
Was miserable, was lonely, was utterly lacking in motivation.
We'll see how that's affected my schoolwork. I have to go for a talk tomorrow.
Visiting St. Petersburg was nice.
Three days in Helsinki with my parents was great.
Don't think I want to talk about it more than that. I just want to have done with it.

I have tons of work to do right now.
HAET. Blah.
Still, not working today. I need one day off. :/

So this is more or less just a sign of life.
I might start doing a movie review thing, if I can think of a name for the journal I'd make for it.
It'll give me something to do, maybe help me look at things more critically. We'll see.

Skiing sucks.
I am covered in allergies.
Also feeling nauseated.
Going to St Petersburg might not happen because I don't have any separate passport pictures. Also, it's going to cost me a fortune. Fifty fucking euro to visit a country? I mean, just to get in? Really?
Want to crawl into bed and not come out for a couple days.
Was hoping to have next week off, but instead it's extra busy (visiting a montessori preschool? seriously?) and it's going to cost me a fortune in bus fares (eight euro back and forth every day. :/)
I just wish Riitta would be less pushy.
I wish I could say no to her.
Sigh.
I wish I wasn't living with bitches who ignore my very existence and give me weird looks for what I eat (I just really like thousand island dressing, okay?).
I wish, I wish.
I wish I was back home already.
45 more days.
SAVE ME.

It's 8.47 AM, I'm in school and I have nothing to do till the 3rd grade English club starts. AT 12.30!
The reasoning behind this is that my supervisor is in France for the week and the lady substituting for her (not me since I was in Oulu till yesterday) says she doesn't particularly need or want any assistance. Nice. :/
So it's just English club and one class with the 6th grade, for me. Nice and lazy but also nice and boring. Why is there no fucking way to get to this school by bus? D:

Aaaaaah there's a 2nd grader sitting next to me. Abort, abort.

So, um, Oulu. It is both a state of mind and a wonderful place to be, but explaining that requires some flashbacking to early February, right after I got here.

( Cut for length because I have nothing better to do than to talk at you people! Contains swearing, babbling, amazement, whining, bitching and some awesome stuff )

So I totally just had four cute girls draped all over me.

Okay yeah, they were nine years old.

Once they get over their shyness, these Finnish kids are the damn cutest things ever.

Now hanging out in the back of the 3rd/4th/5th/6th grade classroom at Saaren koulu till I can have lunch (at 10.30 oh god my metabolism will be so out of whack when I get home) and then it's off to the secondary school to be shown around/observe a lesson and give a presentation on teacher's college and education in Belgium.



Things may or may not have gotten to the point where Nikki and I are seriously planning our wedding. Not so much in the "one day..." sense, since that describes the last two years, but in the "okay, let's talk ceremony and guest list" kind of way. It's still at least 1,5 years off due to issues with parents and money and visas and such, but. Yeah. One cheapish lesbian paganish wedding coming up.

Yesterday, when I got home from the shop, the fire alarm went off. Maintenance people came and turned it off since THERE WAS NO FIRE. Hell, up to when I got back, there wasn't even anyone home.
Oh well, one of those days, you know? You chalk it up to bad luck that it had to be you and you move the fuck on.

I woke up at 8.30 this morning from what? Oh yes, FIRE ALARM. dfqlskjfqlmskjf I hate. So much.
But maintenance people came yet again and they turned it off again. Goody. I tried to get back to sleep.
8.45: MORE FIRE ALARM. Maintenance again.
9.00: MORE FIRE ALARM.

SDEjfisfjqslkjdfTHERE IS NO FIRE WTF GO AWAY GO AWAY GO AWAY.

ETA: At 10.39 it has gone off four more times. If I get there fast and wave a piece of paper at the sensor for a second, it stops, no sirens. Getting tired of that, though. Can't do that all day. Besides, I'm going out soon. I'd call maintenance but they don't speak a word of English.

One day there will be content again and I will marvel at the wonders of Finland also whine a little about this place and woe it is cold and I am a bit lonely but other stuff is awesome, etc, etc. But not now! I am too lazy! Instead, have a meme.

Comment to this post and I will give you 5 subjects/things I associate you with. Then post this in your LJ and elaborate on the subjects given.

From shanaqui, I got:

1. Her: my Nikkis, my darling, my one twoo wub. No, I mean it. She is. Total OTP action here, people. Together 3,5 years, long distance, but we're dealing. Too kind and caring for her own good but we complement each other on that. She's there for me when I need her, always backing me up, supporting me, giving advice. Makes me wonder what the heck she wants with me, sometimes, but I try not to since that's stupid thinking and never leads anywhere good. Anyway! She's amazing and a total cutie and I couldn't wish for anything better.

2. Teaching: I can never decide whether I hate or love teaching. I don't know. The actual teaching is amazing and I adore it and I could do it all my life, but. The paperwork. All the million extra things principals and teachers expect you to do. Classes of almost 30 kids, some of which have learning disabilities, others have behavioural handicaps, others have psychological issues and all that without any back up because there's no money for that. There's just you and if they don't pass their exams it's your fault because you must not have taught the right way and you must not have diversified enough or you didn't handle them the right way or maybe you're just a bad teacher? That's what makes me hate it. And lesson plans. I hate making lesson plans. XD And the fact that there is no career in it. It's crappy pay. Awesome vacations, but. Well. I sound awfully negative, but I don't actually regret it. I loved Japanese, but it wasn't right for me. It was a hobby that got out of hand. I didn't get along with most of the people there either, definitely not in my third year when I ended up in a new class. But I've had so much fun at Group T. There's Sheila who is floofy and awesome. There was the Glenda madness. There is the Amy fiasco. Some amazing teachers, fantastic people (and some not so great catty bitches, but hey).
Also, I hate parents. But teaching is cool.

3. The Sandman: Nikki made me read this just last month, all of the main storyline in under a week. I think I did pretty well. Hah. Anyway, it's an amazing story. I'd heard so much about it but I still had no idea what to expect. Dream is a scary mofo. All the characters are amazing, though, and so intertwined that sometimes you have to go back three issues because you're sitting there going "oh god I know this guy what's his deal again?". Yes. Um. It's really cool. I recommend it to everyone.

4. Final Fantasy: I think that between me and my brother, we own almost every single game. Some of them are PS1 remakes, but the only ones we're lacking are Crystal Chronicles and Ring of Fates. And they don't really count anyway so pah. I haven't played all of them, though. I'm a total whore for graphics so the old ones don't really appeal to me (bad girl, I know). I never got into VI either. Too many characters. VII I liked, but I don't think it worth the title of best FF game ever that a lot of people give it. VIII is still my favourite, it was also my first. I like IX even though for ages I didn't. I've replayed it a few times since I got it, though and now I think I appreciate it better. X and X-2 well. They're okay, I guess? I like them, but they're not even close to the top of my list. Never touched XI. And I have some serious love for XII partly because yeah, graphics whore. So pretty. >> Not sure if I'll play XIII anytime soon. Don't have a PS3. The 360 doesn't belong to me. And I already have a bazillion other games that I haven't finished or even touched yet.
Also, I think it should be stated that I haven't really finished all that many FF games. I've played 8, 9, 10-2 and 12 all the way through, but 7 and 10 I played till I was training for the final boss and then I got bored. Or distracted by some other game. I've seen the endings from my brother playing them. Haha. >>

5. Roleplaying: yay my main passtime. Seriously. You cannot have Nikki and me in the same room for over an hour before we pick it up. We've moved through several fandoms together (let's see: Gundam Wing, Final Fantasy VIII, Firefly, The Dark is Rising, back to Firefly, Supernatural, some original stuff, a little FFX-2, some Kingdom Hearts (1&2), some FFXII, etc) and all kinds of storylines going from blatant porn to long dramatic stuff or tragic lovestories or simple cute get togethers and so on. We've explored tons of AU, we half read each other's minds about this stuff, never need to ask is [x] okay with you, just suggest and build off that. We're rarely stumped for characters or stories either. And I think she's utterly ruined me for ever playing in a different style or with anyone else. Note that we have played with other people, heck, it's how we met, but it never lasted. Other people don't get us. :( XD

Rambled enough! Time to watch more Dollhouse!

BAHAHAHAHA I HAVE AN INTERNET.
<3

Sorry flist, so behind that catching up is not something I want to think about. >>;
But how are you guys doing, huh?


Post with actual content later. :3

My mood seems to always be set to hungry nowadays.

Go Helsinki!

A quick rundown of what I've been up to, yes?

Got to Helsinki yesterday morning.
Attended lovely if sometimes slightly boring meetings all day.
Got settled in nice hotel.
Had GREAT hot shower.
Had dinner at awesome Finnish restaurant.
Party, party, party.
Woke up with a hangover.
Went on a sightseeing tour.
Attended more meetings.
Got to an internet hotspot!

When the others finally get here, we will have dinner and then maybe go skating.
And then?
Party, party, party.

There might be a solution for my internet woes. It's being looked into. :33

Riita made me give the fourth grade a dictation.
In FINNISH.
I am fairly sure they were secretly mocking me. XD
It's actually not that hard to pronounce once you get used to it. Easier than English, anyway, because it's written as it's pronounced.

After this and a blog post for my family's benefit, I'm going to have some dinner, study some Finnish (with my puntastic book "From Start To Finnish") and read more House of Leaves, which, so far, is mostly just weird with its gigantic 'footnotes'.

Have arrived safely and in one piece.

Dinner is at 3.45 here, this is absurd.

Internet is problematic. I have connection in several buildings, but due to a policy where students aren't really allowed their own computers, I can't do much without causing trouble.
The building where I'm staying has no internet at all due to being on a hill or somesuch.

I fear I may be bored to death before long.
Eleven books is never going to be enough, especially since I already finished Darkly Dreaming Dexter on the plane. >>;

Get your own valentinr
Spamspamspamspamspammityspam

Did get to see best friend today. Totally got her hooked on Supernatural. >) She agrees that them boys are doing it. :D

I am all packed (besides laptop and mp3 player) and ready to go. It's only just hit me that I will be away for THREE MONTHS. I'm a little scared now! Haha.
Next time I post, I will be in a cold and snowy place.

Fine. I give in.


Get your own valentinr


Last night proved again that the best cake is the one you make late at night based entirely on a whim. So now we have red velvet cupcakes with buttercream frosting. 8D

My room is looking very strange and empty after all the cleaning I've done. I'm sure it will look full and messy again as I get further into packing, but right now, with all the books where they belong? No more tons of the clothes strewn around? It's strange.
Dad is getting on my case about packing. It seems doing it two days in advance is too late. And my list is never complete enough, etc, etc.

My aunt stopped by yesterday, dropped off two more books (late, late christmas presents |D) and gave me my goddaughter's newyear's letter. And a flash drive with a video of her singing it. So adorable. I approve of this use of technology. XD
My godfather is coming by later this afternoon to say goodbye (and give me a late birthday present, whoo money~) before I go.
And tonight I'm going to say bye to one of my friends. My supposed best friend didn't have time to get together one last time. I suppose she's got her girlfriend to keep her company. *bitter*
I totally need to send everybody an email about my skype adress and where my blog is (not this one, though, ahahahaha, oh god no never this one), etc, so we can all nicely keep in touch.
Which reminds me that I need to install my webcam. Right.
At least I'm done with ripping CDs.

I feel so sad about not being able to take all my unread/to read books with me.
So I should clearly finish as many as I can right now.
The Safety of Objects is weird



Question!
What is the one thing you really, totally, absolutely have to have with you when you go on a trip? Whether it's for comfort or because you'll actually need it or whatever. What's that one thing that's on the top of your list, the one you tell yourself a million times you can't forget?

I need to fucking learn to remember that deodorant + freshly shaved skin = motherfucking OW